I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Randomize
