Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
as a side note pls kill me
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
