If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
