her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
