You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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