She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
