six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
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