mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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