When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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