Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
