considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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