Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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