If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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