Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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