I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
