the new term for farting is butt boxing.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
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