My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
