Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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