I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
