Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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