idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
