If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
