What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
