Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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