I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
