Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
birth control should be required to get into college
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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