You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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