bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize