I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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