My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
