I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Come on in and take your pants off
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