Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
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