I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
