I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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