he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
