I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
i think im in europe. pls send help
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
