I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
