You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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