Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
