Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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