Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
Randomize
