3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
