I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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