My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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