also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
