Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Couch. On fire.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
