Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
