I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
