so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
