i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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