i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
