Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
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