So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
