i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
