i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
