someone threw a dead crab at me
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
