I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
