stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
