mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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