Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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