i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
