Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
this must be what syphilis tastes like
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
