His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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