This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
