I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
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