ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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