I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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