Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
