Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
