??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
