adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
