i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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