Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
