do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
