She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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