Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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